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Child Custody Mediation Checklist: 10 Points to Prepare

10 Items to Include in a Child Custody Mediation Checklist

Mediation is an alternative dispute process which allows two people to reach mutually agreed-upon solutions in a non-adversarial manner. It is less expensive than formal litigation and will give parents more control over the child custody mediation process and the outcome. Use this child custody mediation checklist to guide your preparation to ensure you are prepared for your first session.

What to Discuss During Child Custody Mediation

While mediation is not a formal court hearing, you should treat it with the same level of importance. Stated simply, mediation is designed to resolve all the issues a child custody hearing would address. It would be best if you took time to mentally prepare yourself and think about the issues you will be addressing and the goals you want to achieve with a mediated custody agreement.

Ensuring successful child custody mediation can be a complex and emotional process. This checklist includes the following elements to discuss during your child custody mediation session:

1. Prioritize Your Child’s Best Interests
2. Determine Legal & Physical Custody
3. Child Custody Visitation
4. Swapping Custody & Pick-Up / Drop-Off
5. Holiday & School Vacation Schedules
6. Costs of Shared Custody
7. Schedule Changes
8. How You & Your Ex Will Communicate
9. Resolving Future Disputes
10. Questions Specific to Your Circumstances

1. Prioritize Your Child’s Best Interests

During child custody mediation, it is important to remember that your primary goal is to make a plan that is in your child’s best interest. This should be the guiding principle during all discussions and decisions made during the mediation process. As such, you should set aside any lingering anger towards your former spouse and instead take a non-confrontational and cooperative approach toward mediation.

2. Determine Legal & Physical Custody

Pennsylvania law defines physical custody as having actual possession of a child and legal custody as the power to make major decisions for the child, such as those dealing with medical and education-related issues. These are the most important issues to be discussed and decided. It is important to remember that both physical and legal custody can be shared between you and your ex-spouse, and that legal custody is generally shared by both parents.

3. Child Custody Visitation

Visitation is another important aspect to discuss during child custody mediation. A custody agreement should include the schedule for when the non-custodial parent will spend time with the child and any specific guidelines or restrictions. Deciding visitation requires honest discussions regarding your and your former spouse’s employment schedules and your child’s school schedule and recreational activities. Please note that while the term “visitation” is no longer used in Pennsylvania courts, we use it here to describe time spent with both parents.

4. Swapping Custody & Pick-Up / Drop-Off

The details of how and when custody will be exchanged by parents should be discussed during mediation. A custody schedule should include the logistics of picking up and dropping off your child. Stated simply, swapping custody impacts your weekends, work schedule, and your child’s activities.

5. Holiday & School Vacation Schedules

It is also important to discuss how holiday and school vacations will be handled during child custody mediation. A child custody arrangement should include the specific holidays and vacation time each of you spend with your child. As some events are particularly important to your child, e.g., their birthday, you and your former spouse may want to consider holidays you both spend with your child.

6. Costs of Shared Custody

The costs associated with shared custody should also be discussed during child custody mediation. This includes expenses such as transportation and extracurricular activities. Stated simply, you should consider a plan in which you both contribute towards covering these expenses.

7. Schedule Changes

Life is inherently unpredictable. An unexpected event may occur, such as having to work late, car repairs, you or your child may fall ill, etc. It is important to discuss how schedule changes will be communicated and resolved during child custody mediation. 

8. How You & Your Ex Will Communicate

During child custody mediation, discussing how you and your former spouse will communicate and share information about your child is important. You should also discuss agreed-upon communication methods such as texting or email. While you may not want to speak with your former spouse, you must remain in contact to share custody.

9. Resolving Future Disputes

You should also discuss how future disputes between you and your ex-spouse will be resolved. This includes the process for resolving conflicts and specific guidelines or restrictions. Specifically, you may want to consider a plan in which you choose a neutral family member to act as a tie-breaker or agree to return to mediation to resolve future disputes.

10. Questions Specific to Your Circumstances

Each child custody situation is unique. You should prepare questions which address specific issues, e.g., your child’s special needs, concerns regarding your safety, etc. In keeping with the non-confrontational approach of mediation, these questions should address the unique circumstances of your custody as opposed to punishing your former spouse.

What to Bring to Custody Mediation

Preparing for a mediation session involves more than thinking of topics, goals, and questions. In keeping with treating mediation as a court hearing, you should bring several documents and other information. These items help facilitate discussions and allow your mediation to be more productive.

1. Legal & Court Documents

It is important to bring all legal and court documents relevant to your child custody case to mediation. This includes any previous custody agreements or court orders. You should also bring any child support orders, as any agreement reached in mediation may affect child support payments.

2. Proposed Parenting Plan

Even if your former spouse rejected a prior custody agreement, you should bring a proposed parenting plan or parenting schedule to mediation, as it can help facilitate negotiations. A parenting plan should outline your proposed custody and visitation schedule. Your plan should also address how you and your former spouse discipline your child.

3. Documents / Discussions About Previously Discussed Custody Plans

If you and your ex have previously discussed custody plans, bringing any relevant documents or notes to mediation is important. Specifically, you should bring prior discussed parenting plans or emails in which you both discussed custody. Prior documents or communications can keep you and your spouse consistent. 

4. Work, School, & Extracurricular Schedules

Bring copies of your employment schedule to show the mediator your availability. You should also bring your child’s school calendar and seasonal and extracurricular activities. With this information, you and your former spouse can create a visitation plan which fits everyone’s schedule.

5. Contact Information for Relevant People

You should bring the contact information for any relevant person in your child’s life, such as their doctor, school principal, teacher, close family friends, etc. You should also have the contact information for your former spouse’s family members. If there is an emergency, your former spouse’s family may be able to assist you and your child.

6. Payment for Your Mediation Session(s)

While mediation is a low-cost alternative to formal litigation, it is not free. Before mediation, consider splitting the cost with your former spouse. Make sure to bring any necessary payment for the mediation session.

Contact a Child Custody Mediator Today

Preparing for child custody mediation with a clear checklist and necessary documents can help facilitate productive discussions. For compassionate guidance from an experienced divorce mediation lawyer, contact Peaceful Separation & Divorce to ensure the best outcome for your family.