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The Role of The Divorce Coach in Collaborative Law Cases
A common question or statement by a potential participant in Collaborative cases is “I’m already in therapy, why do I need another Mental Health person in my life?” This is a good question with an easy answer.
Most people whose marriages are ending, or have custody/support or other family law issues which need resolution, have gotten to that point either because
1. years of being involved with the other party has created layers of issues with that person; or,
2. the parties develop communication issues and they simply can’t have a civil, equally balanced discussion with the other party.
The Divorce Coach/Mental Health Neutral/Communication Specialist are different names for the same person. In my collaborative law cases, I prefer to call this person simply the Communication Specialist.
In the collaborative case, this person actually is the neutral center of the process. Obviously, a case has two parties, husband and wife in some cases; mother and father in others, and they have their interests in their dispute. There are two collaboratively trained lawyers, each advocating for their client.
However, the collaboratively trained and experienced Communication Specialist is a neutral person. This person doesn’t represent the interests of, nor does this person advocate for, either side. This person is “Switzerland”…totally and completely neutral and unbiased. When parties, or lawyers, “get stuck”, the Communication Specialist steps in to “right the ship” and get everyone back on track.
In my view, and in the view of experienced collaborative lawyers, the Communication Specialist is the “straw that stirs the drink”. This person is the person who gets people “unstuck” and able to continue moving down the path of resolution. I can’t begin to tell you how many cases the Communication Specialist has saved in my years of practicing collaborative law.
A collaborative case without a Communication Specialist involved is less likely to have a successful resolution. Neither the lawyers nor the parties are trained in getting beneath the objection or beneath the position of a party.
If your lawyer doesn’t suggest including a Communication Specialist/Mental Health neutral on your team, simply ask why. If you are serious about achieving a successful result, including a Communication Specialist/Mental Health neutral is central in achieving success. If not
suggested by your collaborative trained lawyer, suggest to the lawyer that you are aware of the benefits of a Mental Health neutral on a collaborative team, and you are suggesting your team have one.
People get stuck in Mediations also. I also mediate these issues, and at times have suggested using a Communication Specialist/Mental Health neutral in mediation, when necessary, for all the same reasons.