By Peaceful Mediation
In News

Divorce Mediation Checklist: 25 Items to Remember & Discuss

Divorce Mediation Checklist: 25 Items to Prepare & Discuss During Mediation

Divorce is difficult, but you have the power and the means to make it easier on everyone and get the best result for your family. Take control of your divorce by agreeing with your spouse to enter into divorce mediation. Additionally, having a divorce mediation checklist to prepare for your first and future sessions can help ensure a smoother process.

The divorce mediators at Peaceful Separation and Divorce help you understand your role in a successful mediation and what you need to do to mediate the issues arising from your divorce with this helpful 25-item checklist.

Do you want to decide how your family lives going forward rather than be told by a judge? Call the Philadelphia divorce mediators at Peaceful Separation and Divorce to start taking control of the process today.

Mutually Agree with Your Spouse to Enter Mediation
Find the Right Mediator
See if Your Mediator Also Processes Your Divorce
Find Out How Much Your Mediation Costs
Schedule Your First Mediation Session
Try to Understand Your Spouse’s Mind Set & Emotions
Gather Asset, Debt, & Marital Property Information
Gather Financial Statements
Appraise Your Home & Decide If You Want It
Decide Who Stays in the House During Your Divorce
Consider What Type of Custody is Best If You have Children
Think About The Ideal Custody Schedule For Your Child
Discuss Child Support
Address Spousal Support
Prepare Ideal Arrangements, But Be Prepared to Compromise
Consult with Your Mediator What is “Fair”
Maintain Your Composure
Don’t Try to “Win” Your Mediation
Try to Find Things You Can Agree On
Prepare Yourself to Make Concessions
Maintain an Attitude of Peace and Compromise
Consult Your Own Legal Counsel If You Want or Need To
Review Your Settlement Agreement Carefully
Complete Your Tasks on Your Agreement Promptly
Finalize Your Divorce

1. Mutually Agree with Your Spouse to Enter Mediation

You may be angry or resentful over the causes of your divorce. At this point, you can let those feelings make your divorce more difficult and expensive by refusing to cooperate with your spouse and pursuing litigation. Instead, you should think about treating your divorce more like a business transaction or negotiation and sit down with a trained professional who can help you find common ground with your spouse. Stated simply, you must be invested in the divorce mediation process for it to work.

2. Find the Right Mediator

You disclose sensitive and personal information to your divorce mediator. Look at their experience and qualifications and whether they have mediated divorces in your jurisdiction. Be sure you feel comfortable and confident the mediator you choose can assist you through the negotiation process.

3. See if Your Mediator Also Processes Your Divorce

Many divorce attorneys are also trained mediators. Accordingly, your divorce mediator may be authorized to prepare your property, custody and support agreements.
The mediators at Peaceful Separation and Divorce are able to handle this aspect of your divorce as well.

4. Find Out How Much Your Mediation Costs

Your mediator gives you a fee agreement before entering into mediation. This agreement outlines the cost and length of each session and may include the average number of mediation sessions required. Sometime prior to your first divorce mediation session, you, your spouse, and the mediator sign the agreement and are bound by it.
Compare the costs of mediation, even if you need several sessions, with the price your family would pay in legal expenses for your divorce in court, both financially and emotionally. Agreeing to divorce mediation instead of fighting it out is better for everyone involved.

5. Schedule Your First Mediation Session

Once you’ve committed to mediation services, schedule a mutually convenient divorce mediation session that gives you time to gather all the documents and information and to also think about what potential support, custody, and property settlement options would be ideal. Then consider what is most important to you and where you are willing to compromise.

6. Try to Understand Your Spouse’s Mind Set & Emotions

The most difficult part of mediation is putting aside the emotions arising from your divorce. Your spouse is struggling with this too, so do your best to empathize. A professional divorce mediator helps keep things on track.

7. Gather Asset, Debt, & Marital Property Information

To resolve issues of support and property distribution, your mediator needs to understand your complete financial picture. An experienced mediator will likely have a mediation checklist for you and your spouse to complete regarding your income, pay stubs, assets, tax returns, stock options, bank accounts, debts, retirement accounts, life insurance policies, and other financial information. An appraisal of the family home and any collectibles, antiques, or jewelry may be necessary.

8. Gather Financial Statements

The mediator may look at your bank, investment, and credit card statements to calculate expenses. You also may need pension, brokerage, and mortgage statements as part of the calculation of marital assets and debts.

9. Appraise Your Home & Decide If You Want It

If you have children, you may be considering keeping the family home. Knowing whether one of you can afford to live in the home, perhaps with support, can help you decide if this is feasible. Your mediator can point you in the direction of an appraiser, or a realtor can help you find the current value of your home.

10. Decide Who Stays in the House During Your Divorce

Most couples live apart while their divorce is pending. If there are children, the parties must decide if a parent will have primary custody or shared equal custody, and stay in the marital home until you agree to final custody arrangements or if you and the other parent will have some other custody arrangement. Your divorce mediator can help you resolve this issue if you are having difficulty agreeing.

11. Consider What Type of Custody is Best If You have Children

The type of child custody arrangement that would be best for your child can be brought up during mediation. You and your spouse may be able to produce several creative solutions regarding child custody during the divorce mediation process. For example, sometimes one parent has primary custody and the other partial custody, or the parties equally share custody time with their child.

12. Think About The Ideal Custody Schedule For Your Child

You must go into mediation with an idea of a custody schedule that would work best for your family, and why it works best. Your spouse may have different ideas. Between the three of you, you should be able to craft a custody schedule that works for your family.

13. Discuss Child Support

Child support is one of many financial issues which must be resolved during the divorce process. Each parent is responsible for raising their children and supporting them financially. If one parent earns more than the other, and both parents have equal time with their child, the parent who earns more money may be required to pay child support.
Your mediator assesses your relative incomes and applies this financial information to the child support guidelines to help the parties arrive at a child support agreement.
Suppose you cannot agree on either child support, spousal support, or property distribution? In that case, divorce mediation allows you to decide on the issues you can agree on and only litigate the issues you cannot negotiate.

14. Address Spousal Support

The mediator can help you arrive at an appropriate figure if you wish. It is also possible that you and your spouse can arrive at a negotiated figure. Again, if one spouse earns more than the other, that spouse pays the lesser-earning spouse spousal support between the time they separate and the time they are divorced.
Your mediator outlines the many factors that determine spousal support and discusses them with you.

15. Prepare Ideal Arrangements, But Be Prepared to Compromise

Have ideal custody, support, and property distribution arrangements in mind going into mediation, but be prepared to compromise. Know your priorities and where you are willing to give to get something else. Consider the other party’s needs also.

16. Consult with Your Mediator What is “Fair”

An experienced divorce mediator in your jurisdiction can tell you whether the arrangements you’ve come to through mediation are considered “fair” and customary.

17. Maintain Your Composure

Let your divorce mediator do their job. The presence of your divorce mediator should help keep things on an even keel, but if your spouse becomes upset, try not to react. Things can quickly go off the rails if you indulge in an emotional reaction.
You will be discussing difficult topics. Do your best to keep your emotions in check. If you feel emotions rising during mediation, ask for a break.

18. Don’t Try to “Win” Your Mediation

Mediation is all about finding common ground and negotiating acceptable resolutions for you and your spouse. No one “wins.” Everyone wins if mediation is successful because you’ve worked together to craft your family’s future and avoided the expense and trauma of litigation.

19. Try to Find Things You Can Agree On

Your mediator guides you to topics on which you can agree. For example, suppose you agree your children must remain in their current school district. In this scenario, your mediator may begin with this topic to establish a baseline of cooperation and ease negotiations going forward.

20. Prepare Yourself to Make Concessions

Remember your spouse’s wishes and your children’s welfare are factors in any decision regarding support, custody, and property distribution. Go into mediation knowing you will not get everything you ask for, but you have a good chance of meeting your priorities if you can give a little on issues that are less important to you and try to empathize with the other person’s point of view.

21. Maintain an Attitude of Peace and Compromise

The fastest way to shut down divorce mediation and any attempt to find common ground is to do something outside mediation that you know is very upsetting to the other party or intentionally makes them angry. Tread lightly during this time – it is in everyone’s best interests.

22. Consult Your Own Legal Counsel If You Want or Need To

You are deciding on issues that have a huge impact on your future and perhaps your children’s lives. Do not hesitate to take any agreement you come to in divorce mediation to an attorney for review. You want to enter into final agreements knowing those agreements honor your rights and your children’s rights.

23. Review Your Settlement Agreement Carefully

If you choose not to have your independent attorney review your marital settlement agreement, be sure you read the agreement and other documents carefully and understand everything they require.

24. Complete Your Tasks on Your Agreement Promptly

If the agreements you reach in mediation require you to take action, do so. For example, if you agree to sell the marital home, contact a realtor and start the process – do not stall. If the agreements require you to make support payments in advance of the final support order, do so – do not refuse to pay.

25. Finalize Your Divorce

Once you are satisfied you have reached support, custody, and property distribution agreements that work for your family, you, your divorce attorney, or your divorce mediator submits the final divorce settlement documents to the family law court. Following the divorce proceedings, the judge enters final orders and a divorce judgment.

Finding a Divorce Mediator Near You

Because divorce mediation takes several sessions, you want to work with a divorce mediator you can travel to without any difficulties. Some mediators continue to schedule their sessions virtually, so a location close to your home or office can be less important. Also, family law is highly jurisdiction-specific, and if you work with a divorce mediator near you, they know the local norms and can effectively advise you both.

The Philadelphia divorce mediation lawyers at Peaceful Separation and Divorce are ready to help you and your family through this difficult time. Call us today.