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Guide to Divorce Mediation Process: What You Need to Know

The Divorce Mediation Process Explained

You and your spouse have heard about the benefits of divorce mediation vs. going to court and letting a judge decide what is best for your family, but how does divorce mediation work?

This comprehensive article from the divorce mediators at Peaceful Mediation explains the divorce process using mediation and what you, your spouse, and the divorce mediator does at each step for a successful mediated divorce.

If you and your spouse have decided to use divorce mediation to resolve any or all of the issues arising from your divorce, call Peaceful Mediation to talk with a divorce mediator today.

Finding a Divorce Mediator

It is relatively easy to find a divorce mediator, but it takes some effort to find the right divorce mediator for you. Google “divorce mediator in [your city or area]” and a number of names and websites will come up. Why not just pick the top result? The top result may very well be a good choice, but just as likely may be a mediator with the largest SEO budget but the least amount of experience or training in the issues you need resolved.

What to Look For in a Divorce Mediator 

In general, you should arrange to meet with mediators who satisfy the following criteria:

• Experience  with divorce mediation in your jurisdiction
• Experience in brokering agreements on the issues you have, such as child custody, support, or property distribution
• Experience with high asset divorces, if you are wealthy or own a business or other investments
• Training and certifications in mediation and other alternative dispute resolution methods
• Willingness to meet with you and your spouse prior to signing a fee agreement

More specifically, you must be comfortable disclosing and discussing the issues arising from your divorce with the divorce mediator. Not every divorce mediator’s manner, style, or methods is right for every couple. Take time to talk with prospective divorce mediators and find someone you are comfortable with and confident in. 

Terms of Payment and Mediation

Once you identify a divorce mediator you want to work with, you and your spouse enter into a fee agreement which may lead to the question; “how much does divorce mediation cost?” Most often, the spouses share the cost of divorce mediation, so you can expect to pay for half. Your divorce mediator explains how the fee agreement works, and that varies. You may pay a flat fee for a certain number of divorce mediation sessions, or you may pay per mediation session. Your divorce mediator will likely require the fee or a portion of the fee paid prior to commencing mediation.

Gathering Information

Your divorce mediator provides a list of documents and information required to assess your marital financial situation. That list may include the following, among other things:

• Recent pay stubs
• Recent tax returns
• Bank, investment, and pension statements
• Appraisals of real estate, jewelry, art, and other collectibles
• Mortgage statements
• Car loan or lease statements
• Student loan statements
• Credit card statements
• Living expenses
• Documents of any other marital income, expenses, assets, and debts

Framing Divorce Issues

You and your spouse want to work with a divorce mediator because you disagree on some or all of the issues arising from your divorce and want help working together to resolve those issues, which may include:

• Child custody 
• Child visitation schedule
• Child support
• Alimony
• Property distribution

Negotiating Your Divorce Mediation Agreement

Come to mediation with an idea of what resolution of your issues looks like, as a starting point for discussion, knowing there will be some compromise. Be prepared to discuss possible resolutions and negotiate a fair martial settlement agreement with the help of your mediator.

Drafting the Divorce Settlement Agreement and Conclusion

Once you have crafted resolutions to the issues arising from your divorce, your divorce mediator memorializes those resolutions in one comprehensive final agreement you and your spouse sign and submit with your divorce paperwork. 

This final agreement governs your family going forward, so be sure to understand what you are signing. If you feel at all uneasy, consult with a divorce attorney to ensure your rights and interests are protected and served by the agreement.

Who is a Good Candidate for Divorce Mediation? 

Divorce mediation is ideal for the following couples:

Spouses Who Can or Want to Communicate Openly

Many couples divorce but remain friends or friendly and want their future ex to thrive. How does a formerly married couple talk to each other after they divorce? That must necessarily change. In these cases, the help of a divorce mediator allows couples to develop communication skills they use going forward. 

Spouses Who Intend to Co-Parent Their Children

Couples who have children must learn to communicate to successfully raise them. A divorce mediator not only helps to craft a child custody arrangement best for the family, but gives couples the negotiation skills to resolve any issues that arise, such as a change in the custody schedule or an unexpected expense.

Not every couple is successful at divorce mediation even if they have the best of intentions. In cases where a couple is successful at mediating most of their issues, the remaining issues can be decided in court.

Who is Not a Good Candidate for Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is not suitable for every couple, and there are times when going through the traditional divorce process benefits the divorcing couple. These circumstances include the following:

One Spouse Does Not Want a Divorce

If one spouse does not want a divorce, the issues there are beyond the scope of divorce mediation. This couple might meet with a therapist, or, failing to agree to divorce, the spouse wanting to divorce must file themselves.

There is a History of Abuse

Making an abused spouse sit across the negotiating table from their abuser likely causes additional trauma and is not advised, unless the abused spouse considers mediation to be empowering and assents.

A Dominating Spouse 

Short of abuse, in some marriages one spouse dominates the other mentally, emotionally, or by controlling behavior. In these cases the weaker spouse may not have the ability to voice their concerns and preferences.

Spouses Hiding Money Or Assets

If one or both parties are wasting or hiding marital assets, divorce mediation cannot work. Honesty, trust, and full disclosure of marital assets is required for divorce mediation to succeed.

High Levels Of Emotional Conflict 

If one or both spouses remain emotional regarding the reasons for their divorce, and they cannot keep emotions at bay during mediation, negotiation is unlikely to succeed. This person may need the support of a divorce coach or therapist during the process. Couples are advised to treat divorce mediation as a business meeting and remain as professional and calm as possible under the circumstances.

When You’ve Filed for a “Fault” Divorce

If one spouse is to blame for the failure of the marriage and the other has filed for a “fault” divorce, one or both spouses likely feel too much anger and resentment to allow for successful negotiation in divorce mediation.

Schedule a Consultation with Peaceful Meditation

For personalized guidance from an experienced divorce mediation lawyer who successfully navigated alternative divorce methods for over years., call the Philadelphia divorce mediators at Peaceful Mediation to discuss your situation. We look forward to helping you through your divorce as peacefully as possible.