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What Happens During the Child Custody Mediation Process?

Settling on a custody arrangement for your child can be emotionally draining. You may be worried about losing control, spending months in court, or ending up with a decision that doesn’t reflect what’s best for your family. If you’re seeking alternative options, you may be wondering: what happens in mediation for child custody?

Here, we’ll explain the child custody mediation process, what it entails, and how it can help you settle on a plan that actually works for you. You’ll learn about the pros and cons of mediation, what may be discussed in each session, and why many families choose this process as an alternative to the courtroom.

At Peaceful Separation and Divorce, we’ve spent over 40 years helping parents reach fair, practical custody agreements without fighting. If you’re looking for a better way to move forward, both for you and your child, contact us to schedule your consultation today.

What Is Child Custody Mediation & Why Choose It?

Child custody mediation is a process where you and your co-parent will work together to create a mutually agreed-upon parenting plan, rather than having one imposed by a judge. The two of you, with the assistance of a mediator, will arrive at an appropriate outcome for your child.

Mediation is typically preferred over going to family court, which is a much slower, more expensive process. Judges generally see you for just two or three hours, often only once, without the opportunity to fully understand your needs or the needs of your child.

In mediation, you’ll spend several sessions with a mediator, and you’ll reach a resolution that makes sense for both of you.

Is Child Custody Mediation Mandatory?

In most counties in Pennsylvania, it is not. For example, Montgomery County requires you to attend only one mediation session. Other counties in Southeastern Pennsylvania do not require custody mediation at all.

While not universally mandatory, many counties and courts strongly encourage mediation as the first step in resolving custody disputes. Some jurisdictions may require parents to attend an orientation or information session about mediation before scheduling a court hearing.

In counties where mediation is not required, parents may still voluntarily choose to participate. Doing so can demonstrate to the court that you’re willing to cooperate, which may positively influence future proceedings if litigation becomes necessary.

What Is Discussed During the Mediation Process?

Child custody mediation involves much more than simply deciding where a child will live. The goal is to create a detailed, workable plan that reflects the best interests of the child and accommodates the realities of each parent’s life.

Custody Time Division

During mediation, you will develop a physical custody schedule. This outlines where the child will reside during school weeks, weekends, summer breaks, and holidays. Parents may choose equal time-sharing, primary residence with one parent, or other variations that suit their family dynamics.

Mediators help parents decide on:

• Weekday vs. weekend arrangements
• Rotating or fixed holiday schedules
• Adjustments for vacation time or special occasions

School Selection and Transportation Logistics

If a child is school-aged, you’ll choose an appropriate school and plan transportation options. This includes deciding which parent is responsible for drop-offs and pickups.

You may discuss:

• Whether the child should change schools
• Distance between homes and the school
• Transportation responsibilities and how they are shared or alternated

Special Needs & Medical Concerns

If a child has special needs or ongoing medical issues, these will be addressed during mediation. This may include creating schedules around therapy appointments, or ensuring both parents are informed and involved in medical decision-making.

Considerations may include:

• Division of responsibilities for appointments and treatments
• Agreement on medical providers and health insurance
• Long-term care planning

Parental Communication & Co-Parenting Expectations

Successful co-parenting depends on clear, respectful communication. Mediation often sets expectations for how parents will share information, resolve disagreements, and stay aligned on parenting strategies.

You may discuss:

• Preferred communication methods (e.g., co-parenting apps, email, phone)
• Frequency and tone of communication
• Protocols for discussing major decisions (e.g., emergencies, disciplinary approaches)

Understanding the Difference Between Legal Custody & Physical Custody

Legal custody refers to which parent makes major decisions for the child (such as religion, education, and healthcare). Most cases involve shared legal custody, requiring parents to consult one another when making life decisions for their children.

Physical custody pertains to where and when the child stays with each parent. This may be:

• Equal time
• Weighted toward one parent
• Seasonal (e.g., one parent has more time in the summer)

All of this is open for discussion during child custody mediation.

The Role of the Child Custody Mediator

The role of the child custody mediator is to act as a neutral party. They do not provide legal advice or tell you what is best. They may explain what is customary in custody arrangements if you request it, but their primary responsibility is to assist both parties in reaching a resolution.

After mediation, the mediator will prepare a formal agreement. Both parties will review, make necessary changes, and sign the agreement.

Typically, a signed custody agreement is filed with the court and becomes an official court order. The mediator does not file it for you; you must do it yourself or hire an attorney for this task.

A mediator also cannot enforce a child custody agreement. If a custody schedule is written and signed but not followed or one party wants to change it, only the court can enforce or modify it.

However, parties can always return to the mediator to revise the agreement if both are willing to do so.

Pros & Cons of Mediation for Child Custody

Pros

• Faster: Mediation can be completed in 4–5 months. A typical court case takes 1–2 years.
• Less Expensive: Mediation is far more affordable than court litigation.
• Collaborative: Encourages mutual decision-making between parents.

Cons

• Requires Cooperation: Both parties must be willing to negotiate and compromise.
• No Enforcement Power: The mediator cannot enforce the agreement.

When agreeing to child custody mediation, you need to be flexible and listen to the other side’s point of view. You need to accept that the final agreement may not be exactly what either of you originally envisioned, but it will work for both of you—and more importantly, for your child.

What Happens If You Can’t Reach A Custody Agreement?

If an agreement cannot be reached, most parties end up in court before a judge.

In court, the judge will make the final decision on custody based on what they determine to be in the best interest of the child. This process typically involves formal hearings, testimony from both parents, and possibly input from professionals such as custody evaluators or guardian ad litems.

Unlike mediation, court proceedings are public and adversarial in nature, which can heighten tensions between parents and increase emotional stress for the child.

For these reasons, many families make one final attempt to mediate or negotiate before proceeding to trial. Some courts may even order a secondary mediation session before setting a hearing date, especially if children are young or special needs are involved.

Mediation as a Path to Peaceful Co-Parenting: Get Started Today

Choosing to resolve your custody agreement through mediation isn’t just about avoiding court; it’s about setting the foundation for a more peaceful, cooperative co-parenting relationship. At Peaceful Separation and Divorce, our Philadelphia divorce mediators create a supportive space where both parents can be heard and work toward a solution that truly serves their child’s best interests.

If you’re ready to move forward with less conflict and more clarity, contact us today to schedule your consultation.