• By Peaceful Mediation
• In News

Preparing for Custody Mediation with a Narcissist Parent

Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process designed to allow people to reach mutually agreeable solutions. Further, it intended to allow people to resolve issues without judicial intervention in an efficient, non-adversarial manner. However, when the other parent exhibits narcissistic tendencies, the divorce process can become more challenging. Succeeding at custody mediation with a narcissist involves unique challenges for you and your mediator.

The Issues in Custody Mediation with a Narcissist

Narcissism is a psychological personality disorder in which people have exaggerated sense of self importance, lack empathy, and have unreasonable expectations. A person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder only cares about their own needs, they may have trouble acknowledging the feelings and needs of a child during a custody dispute, making it difficult to find a solution in the child’s best interest. People suffering from narcissistic personality disorder also tend to engage in behavior to manipulate others for their benefit and control situations.

How to Prepare for Custody Mediation with a Narcissist

Negotiating with a person who exhibits narcissistic traits is difficult as they enjoy manipulating situations and exercising control over others. Unless they get what they want, they view everything as a loss. However, there are certain steps you can take to successfully mediate a custody case with a narcissist.

Find a Mediator

The first step is to find a neutral third party mediator experienced in dealing with cases involving a narcissistic parent. Specifically, you should seek a licensed professional who uses the “shuttle mediation” negotiation method in which you and your spouse are placed in separate rooms, and the mediator travels between the rooms, conveying proposed terms while guiding you both toward a resolution. Shuttle mediation can allow you to meaningfully mediate your dispute while minimizing your narcissist spouse’s ability to manipulate you or the negotiation process.

Identify Which Elements of Custody to Mediate

Before the child custody mediation begins, it is important to identify which elements of a custody battle you want to meditate. Specifically, you should focus on important issues your spouse may be willing to compromise on. This may include visitation rights, legal custody, a co-parenting plan, decision-making authority, and other important details. 

Bring Appropriate Paperwork

Narcissists often omit crucial details or outright lie. To prevent your spouse from manipulating the mediation process, you should bring documents such as your work schedule, your child’s school and activities schedule, text messages, court orders, your spouse’s work schedule if you can obtain it, and records of childcare-related expenses. With these documents, you can quickly and effectively counter your spouse’s attempts to lie or use manipulative tactics to position the situation to their advantage.

Tips for Handling Child Custody Mediation with a Narcissist

While custody and divorce mediation are designed to be non-confrontational, it can become especially stressful when the subject involves child custody disputes. A narcissist can make this already difficult process even more challenging by turning it into an opportunity to hurt you for their own gratification. When preparing for custody mediation with a narcissist, it is important to remain focused on your objectives and goals.

Focus on Your Goals

Narcissists often use manipulation tactics to make themselves, and their needs and obsession with winning, the center of attention. It is important to keep in mind what your goals are for the mediation and to remain focused on those goals and away from the narcissist’s behavior. This can help you stay on track and avoid getting sidetracked by the other parent’s narcissistic behavior.

Don’t Become Combative

It is important to remain calm and professional during the mediation. Narcissists enjoy annoying and angering others to falsely accuse them of being unreasonable, unstable, or overly emotional. Avoid becoming combative or engaging in arguments, as this can worsen the situation.

Only Talk with Your Ex During Mediation Sessions

Stated simply, narcissists thrive when directly interacting with people. You can avoid getting caught up in arguments or discussions outside of the mediation process by limiting your interactions with your former spouse. If you must communicate with your narcissist spouse, keep it brief and focused on mundane issues.

Maintain Detailed Records

As narcissists often lie or omit details, it is important to maintain detailed records of the mediation process, including notes on what was discussed and any agreements reached. This can help you clearly understand the process and be useful if any issues need to be addressed in the future. Additionally, keeping detailed records also ensures you and your spouse clearly understand your future responsibilities.

Getting the Help You Need for Mediating with a Narcissist

Preparing for custody mediation with a narcissist parent can be challenging, but it is possible to have a successful outcome and reach an agreeable custody arrangement. By preparing for the process, focusing on your goals, and getting the help you need, you can protect your child’s interests. 

Mediating with a narcissistic parent requires strategic preparation and focused guidance. For personalized support from an experienced divorce mediation lawyer, contact Peaceful Separation & Divorce to ensure your child’s best interests are protected throughout the process.