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How to Have an Amicable Divorce: Tips for Keeping The Peace
How to Divorce Amicably
Divorce can be difficult, but it does not have to be destructive. While many divorces devolve into heavily contested matters, an amicable divorce is one in which the spouses resolve their differences together. Stated simply, a peaceful divorce requires two spouses who are willing to resolve their differences without judicial intervention.
The Philadelphia divorce mediators at Peaceful Mediation and Divorce address how to divorce amicably, the benefits of doing so, and how mediation can help in this article.
What it Means to Amicably Divorce
An amicable divorce is one when spouses decide to collaborate during the divorce process rather than become contentious. Specifically, spouses decide to reach common solutions to issues in their divorce like division of property and child custody. The key aspect of an amicable divorce is for spouses to decide to devise mutually beneficial solutions.
How to Amicably Divorce
The decision to divorce naturally invokes feelings and anger and bitterness. An amicable divorce requires both spouses to set aside their emotions and work against devolving into fighting and hostile behaviors. This means an amicable divorce requires both spouses to surrender any desire to hurt or punish each other.
To divorce peacefully, spouses need to keep some key points in mind like negotiating in good faith and maintaining mutual respect for each other.
Decide to Divorce Without Blame
One key to an amicable divorce is approaching the decision without assigning blame to either party. While it is natural to have strong emotions during this time, it is important to focus on the future instead of dwelling on either party’s past mistakes, which often causes divorces to become more contentious and difficult. This is one of the reasons why Pennsylvania is a no-fault divorce jurisdiction.
Negotiate in Good Faith
One major aspect of an amicable divorce is for spouses to negotiate in good faith. Very often, spouses only negotiate based on their own self-interest. Specifically, in amicable divorce proceedings, each spouse must view negotiations as a mutually beneficial process as opposed to a zero-sum game.
Stay Cordial with Your Spouse & Kind to Yourself
Even if you and your spouse are not on good terms, it is important to maintain a cordial relationship. This can involve simple things like respecting each other’s boundaries and remaining civil when communicating. Additionally, you should take care of your emotional and physical well-being by seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
Maintain Mutual Respect While Discussing Settlement
Divorcing spouses may be tempted to turn the divorce process into a mud-slinging contest. In contested divorces, spouses may attempt to humiliate each other by highlighting prior wrongs.
An amicable divorce requires each spouse to view the other as a collaborator as opposed to an adversary. Maintaining mutual respect makes the divorce process easier for all parties involved.
Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Maintaining healthy boundaries is important in any relationship, and this is especially true during a divorce. When you establish and respect healthy boundaries, it can reduce conflict and make the divorce process more amicable. This can involve setting limits on communication and interactions, respecting each other’s space, and being clear about anything which makes you uncomfortable.
Keep the Needs of Your Children at the Forefront
Sadly, some spouses use their children as leverage during a divorce. An amicable divorce requires both spouses to acknowledge and understand the negative effects the divorce process has on their children. Many parents find that child custody mediation provides a structured, neutral environment to discuss parenting arrangements without escalating tensions. Additionally, an amicable divorce requires both spouses to work together to minimize the impact their divorce has on their children.
Essentially, divorcing parents need to keep the needs of their children as one of their top priorities. An amicable divorce helps soften the impact on children.
Trust the Mediation Process
Mediation is a helpful tool for resolving disputes and coming to agreements during a divorce. It allows both parties to work with a neutral third party to find mutually acceptable solutions. Trusting the mediation process and being open to finding compromises can go a long way toward having an amicable divorce.
Keep the Big Picture in Mind
Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process, but keeping the big picture in mind is important. While it may be tempting to focus on small details or become entrenched in specific arguments, it is important to remember the ultimate goal of a divorce is for you to move forward and create a new chapter in your life. Keeping this in mind can help you stay focused on the task at hand and work towards a resolution which is fair for you and your spouse.
Benefits of an Amicable Divorce
In addition to being emotionally painful, contested divorces can become very expensive. Sadly, some spouses approach the divorce process as a war of attrition. An amicable divorce offers several emotional and financial benefits.
More Affordable than Litigation
A contested divorce is a legal action, leading to potentially drawn out litigation. Accordingly, contested divorces become expensive because each spouse must pay legal fees for their attorneys. Spouses who choose an amicable divorce incur significantly lower legal fees.
Less Emotionally Draining
A contested divorce is not an instantaneous process. Depending on the number of issues disputed, a contested divorce can become a long and stressful process.
An amicable divorce allows both spouses to avoid the mental stress associated with a protracted divorce process. Maintaining mutual respect without resorting to harmful behaviors can mean less stress and anxiety for both spouses.
Better for Your Children
Children can be traumatized by divorces. They may feel they have to “choose a side” due to the adversarial nature of a divorce. Additionally, children must also deal with the dramatic life changes that result from divorce, causing them similar stress as their parents.
Amicable divorces significantly reduce the stress and trauma children experience as opposed to a litigated divorce. If their parents maintain respect for each other, their children might not feel as much pressure to “choose a side.” What’s more, if their parents aren’t as stressed or anxious as a result of amicably divorcing, their children will also be more at ease.
Any divorce is hard on children, but choosing to amicably divorce helps soften the impact.
Being Contentious During Divorce Makes the Process Difficult
It is natural to have strong emotions during a divorce, but it is important to avoid becoming contentious or aggressive. When both parties focus on fighting and winning, the process becomes more difficult and drawn out. Additionally, it can create a negative environment which can be harmful to everyone involved. Taking a more collaborative and amicable approach helps make the process smoother and more manageable.
Divorce Mediation Helps in Facilitating an Amicable Separation
One major option to amicably divorce is through mediation. While litigation is a public process, mediation is private. The process involves both spouses choosing a divorce mediator who acts as a third-party and helps guide them to mutually beneficial solutions.
Talk with a Philadelphia Divorce Mediator
While an amicable divorce is easier, cheaper, and less stressful than the litigation process, spouses still require a level of guidance from a neutral party. The mediators at Peaceful Separation and Divorce have been helping couples peacefully resolve their disputes through mediation for over 25 years. To learn more about our services, contact us today!
