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How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: A 10-Step Guide

Your Guide to Preparing for Divorce Mediation

In this helpful guide, the Philadelphia divorce mediators at Peaceful Separation and Divorce explain the ten steps you and your spouse take to prepare for a divorce mediation process.

1. Mutually Agree to Mediation

If you and your spouse wish to work together to resolve the issues arising from your divorce, committing to discussing and negotiating those issues with the help of a neutral professional mediator is the best way to proceed. For families with children, mediation gives the parties the communication skills to co-parent successfully going forward. Using mediation in high asset divorces allows the parties to untangle their complex financial situation privately with the help of the mediator and their team of experts and accountants.  

2. Find the Right Mediator for You

Prior to engaging a divorce mediator, you and your spouse will have the opportunity to meet with them and determine whether you feel comfortable divulging personal information to them and confident that they can help the two of you reach an agreement.

3. Understand the Costs

Before your first divorce mediation session, your divorce mediator should give you a fee agreement setting forth all fees and costs of your mediation. These charges may include the services of experts and administrative expenses in addition to the per-session cost of the mediator.

Attorney vs Non-Attorney

Some divorce attorneys are also trained mediators and may charge more than a non-attorney mediator due to their experience and education. Also, some attorneys market themselves as mediators without the requisite training; be aware of this distinction.

4. Gather the Appropriate Documents

Your mediator needs the following information from you to help you resolve issues such as support and division of marital property.

Income and Assets

You and your spouse must provide financial information, such as documentation of your income as well as the value of your joint assets. Those marital assets may include the marital home and its contents as well as investment accounts, pensions, ownership of a business, art, jewelry, vehicles, and collectibles.

Expenses

You likely have separated and are maintaining two separate households. Be sure to provide documentation of all expenses of both parties.

Marital Debt 

If you’ve incurred marital debt, that must be paid or otherwise disposed of in your divorce. A trained divorce mediator helps you assess the debt and divide responsibility for it equitably.

5. Consider What’s Best for Your Children

If you and your spouse have children, your mediator can help you decide what custody arrangement is best for your family and whether one of you pays child support. Go into mediation with an idea of what child custody arrangement is best for your children and be prepared to negotiate with the help of your mediator.

6. List Your Key Points & Topics You Want to Discuss

Chances are there are some issues you and your spouse already agree upon, and obviously you do not want to take time discussing those in mediation. Rather, make a list of the topics you know you cannot resolve on your own and be prepared to focus on those during the divorce mediation session. You will also need to disclose what you and your spouse have agreed upon so those agreements are included in your comprehensive settlement agreement.

You can use a divorce mediation checklist to get an idea of key points to discuss and remember during your sessions.

7. Understand the Appropriate Mindset

Couples cannot go into mediation wanting to punish their spouse, or wanting to win. Mediation is about negotiating and collaborating on solutions that are best for your family going forward. The more open you are to compromise, the more you will resolve through mediation.

8. Know You May Speak with Outside Professionals

If you’ve reached a tentative agreement through mediation but feel uneasy about it, consult with a divorce attorney. Keep in mind that the mediator is neutral. A divorce attorney has only your interests in mind and reviews mediated agreements from that perspective.

9. Take Time for Yourself

If you need a break, take it. Your divorce is not going anywhere. It is important to be aware of your mental and emotional state and practice self-care during your divorce mediation sessions, so that you are in the best shape to negotiate and commit to solutions to the issues arising from your divorce. This said, keep in mind that there certainly is a “pace” to keeping the divorce process moving forward. For this reason, any such hiatus should be for a short period of time. 

10. Attend Your First Session

Now that you’ve committed to mediation and the correct mindset, found the right mediator for you, gathered your information and documentation, listed the issues arising from your divorce, and considered possible solutions as a starting point, it is time to attend your first session. Look forward to it, because it is the first step to achieving a peaceful divorce or other resolution of your family law issue.

Talk with a Divorce Mediator at Peaceful Separation and Divorce Today

At Peaceful Separation and Divorce, our divorce mediation lawyers have over forty years of experience helping families in the Philadelphia area get through their divorce peacefully. Our mediation services can help you too. Call us today.